Kamis, 03 Maret 2016

It's pre started with a book - The thick one

2013.9.23

 Well, i can't remember the date but the date on the image shows that, and i'm not pretty sure. The chronological order seems a little bit off to me. But hey, that's an unquestionable proof. So maybe my mind is just starting to falling apart. Maybe. Probably

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It's five days after the book came. Like usual, i always finish a thick book less than 3 days. It will get quicker if the book is interesting. The book came before my 2nd/ 3rd trip on Interim Audit. So in order to maintain my focus and to complete my curious i bring the book to my office.

And just like that, an order to lend my book come from some of my friend. So i say that i will lend it only after i complete it.

In the parking lot, i always waste my time smoking there. But this time different, smoking and reading this time. Haha.. some of my senior impressed by how thick the book was.

And then she came. It's funny how i can't concentrate right when she's around. And we talk, just like a stranger talk. I'm not so close that time. And i don't hang around with girl easyly, and so she dominte our conversation.

We talked about alot of thing, but especially is about our office. How our bosses solve the problem and how their judgement seems like only good for him is a never ending topic.

And somehow she said.

"can i borrow that book, that book seem interesting enough to me"
Oh wow, i never expected that request.

She replied.

"what's it all about again?"
And so i tell it passionately. Maybe it the first time i dominate the conversation. Like a children with his new toys, i tell everything about it. Passionately.

The dumbest thing is, i don't remember i answer the first question. Haha.. what a bunch of a kid i am. And of course i'm getting more passionately to finish that book.

Later that day, i finish that book and tell her without hesitant. She replied.

"maybe you can bring that book to my boarding house tonight, you know which room im at right?"
Yes, i can. You stay at room 18 right?

"Yep, come in the early night will you?
Ok. And just like that. That's how i interacted with her. Straight.

Later that night, i went to her boarding house. It's about 7.00PM, and i think that's early enough. When i arrived at her place, i knocked at her door, no answer. Knock again and no answer. I called her and still no response. Maybe she's in the bathroom so she can't answer me i guess. I texted her.

Still no response from her.

Not so lucky do you? my mind mocking me. 
And just in my desperate time whether to go home or waiting for her, my friend that lives next to her saw me. He said that she's going to dinner with her friend.

Nah, Today was not your day bro. My mind mocking me again.
I entrusted my book to my friend. And said that get the book to her as soon as she's back.

So i come home with empty feeling and empty hand of course.
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Some day after that, she lend the book to my friend. I'm pretty sure she's not reading it.

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Some month after that she admit that that book is not her kind of book. Ouch.

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Some years after that she said that.... maybe i'll keep this one to myself.






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SLO  2016.3.3 11.10AM  still hungry... still fasting for 4 days... and i don't get enough sleep.This writing is keeping my sanity.





Smokey Nite - Not so Young and not so Wild



2013.10.21
There's always first time with everything.

That day i was so exhausted. My office seems doesn't care with that. And So i looking for an entertainment to freshen up my day.

I ate my dinner alone, like always i usually buy a take away food. Seems lonely? well i don't refuse that. So after finishing my dinner, i texted my friends, and i said that maybe we need to try something new.

So we agree to trying a new kind of smoke. Shisa. Yep, that's an arabian kind of thing.

We went to the city main square, that's the place that sometime in the night the shisa seller sell their thing. What i don't know at that time is that bagudung went too.

Well it might be awkward since that kind of thing is not women kind of thing.

So we try one shisa, i forgot how much back then. I sit between my friends. And Bagudung sit next to one of my friend. My friend taste it first. And said it was not bad. Nad so i try it.

Wooooooah. It's different from regular smoke. The taste is fruit taste. Felt fresh to me. And after i try, bagudung want to try it.

I was thinking. Not the shisa thing of course. But the mouthpiece. Well, shisa is using a barrel that has fire in the bottom and a tube to draw the smoke and a mouthpiece. But nevermind, maybe i just overthinking.

So she try it. And feel it. Her expression is just plain. Well, i don't blame her. Afterall this thing is not women kind of thing. And after she use it she passed it to me.

Wo wo wo.. hold it. Is is just me or... Nah. I use the shisa after she use it.
 It felt different, Obviously.
 And so we use that shisa a certain times. And somehow my friend want to go to the bathroom. So he go to the bathroom. After he left, there's an empty space between me and bagudung. And so we get closer.

We spent half night there, smoking shisa. But it was not just a shisa for me. It's a different feeling for me.
Maybe only for me, the mr. Overthinking

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SLO  2016.3.3 10.13AM  still hungry... fasting for 4 days... and i don't get enough sleep. Maybe im haunted. yeah, obviously im haunted. Not only my stomach and my feeling, my head is not in a good shape. Oooh god help me.

Rabu, 02 Maret 2016

Best I Ever Had - The not so talented guitarist



2013.10.14/15 Waktu itu Masih tahun 2013, sekitar bulan Oktober tanggal 14 atau 15 ntah hari senin atau selasa. Seinget gw hari libur dan di bulan oktober, bulan agustus ada lebaran di akhir bulan, sementara bulan september gw ada tugas audit Interim PP1P dan buku Inferno dan bonus buku food combining itu gampang gw dateng bulan itu juga (2013.09.18).

Audit Interim itu makan waktu sekitar 3 mingguan lebih, sampai sekitar tanggal 8 Oktober 2013 masih di lapangan gw. Sebenernya tripnya ga sekali jalan trus ga balik balik sih cuma ya itu jadi lebih lama kalo dipecah pecah. Waktu itu 3 Kabupaten. Jadi kemungkinan event itu ya setelah tanggal 8 Oktober dan seinget gw hari libur dan pas banget bulan Oktober 2013 ada libur 2 hari, libur idul adha 14/15 Okt 2013. Detail ditulis seingetnya, meningat sudah hampir 3 tahun lamanya. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pagi itu gw keluar rumah, pergi ke kantor, ntah ngapain, kantor baru selesai rehab ruangan. 2 Ruang digabung menjadi satu. Jadi waktu itu gw ngurus posisi sama mindahin meja gw. Selesai mindahin meja plus arsip arsipnya, gw liat ruangan sebelah. Ruangan yang hampir selalu kosong ditinggal penghuninya dikala hari kerja, Kontras sekali dengan ruangan gw.

Ruangan sebelah ga di rehab, tapi pimpinan minta layout nya sekalian diubah, sekalian ngerapiin arsip dokumen yang tersebar di pinggir pinggir meja. Berserakan sekali. Oh iya, waktu itu temen temen ada yang pindah meja juga, diminta pimpinan pindah demi memudahkan koordinasi. Mungkin itulah alasan gw menginjakan kaki gw di ruangan itu. Gw bantuin pindahin meja temen temen gw, smapai sekitar jam 10 waktu setempat.

 Selesai pindahan meja, anak anak pada ngajakin makan. Well, makanan pegawai yang masih miskin itu udah jelas, mie instan. Awalnya kami fine fine aja mau makan indomie di tempat biasa (kami sebut warung itu warung komb1nasi), sampai ternyata ada yang keberatan. Kulihatlah ternyata ada bagudung mau ikut sarapan. Oh well, temen gw segan mau ngajak makan di tempat itu soalnya ada cewek.

 Akhirnya tetep aja kami makan disana. Anak anak pada pesen Indomie dobel, gw karena belum terlalu lapar, dan waktu itu nafsu makan gw ga sebanyak sekarang cuma pesen satu aja. Kutengok pesenan makanan bagudung, mie satu porsi, dan hampir abis dilahapnya. Kukira dia ga makan mie instan.

Selesai makan, rutinitas wajib berikutnya yaitu nyalain rokok. Sambil nge rokok sambil ngobrol ngalor ngidul ga jelas. Ntah apa apa aja yang kami bahas waktu itu. Dari situlah tiba tibu muncul ajakan ke kontrakan ku sambil main gitar nyanyi nyanyi. Gw ngikut aja, toh hari libur gitu mau ngapain lagi.

Di kontrakan ku, sebenernya bisa dibilang kami, gw ngontrak bareng anak anak juga, rumahnya couple, jadi sekitar 9 orang di lokasi itu. 4 ditempatku, 5 disebelah. Masuklah kami ke kamarku.

Bagudung ikut juga ternyata.

Kamar gw cukup besar, sekitar 4 x 5. Jadi muat banyak.

 Mulailah gw pegang gitar, mainin beberapa lick lick sederhana. Lanjut coba cek mainin lagu. Waktu itu gw masih ngerasa canggung nyanyi. Dan seperti biasa, koleksi lagu gw paling cuma 3 atau 4 lagu yang semua orang bisa menikmati. Kalo gw paksain mainin lagu gw, bisa pualng semua temen temen gw.

 Searching lagu lah jadinya. Dengan koneksi 3 yang waktu itu masih sangat lancar, dapatlah kami beberapa judul lagu. Gw coba mainin sebisa gw, mengingat waktu itu gw masih idealis, jadi beberapa lagu gw cuma pernah denger sekilas di tv atau dijalan.

Bagudung nyeletuk,
"kok ngerambas(strumming) nya gitu?"
.
Gw jawab, style gw emang seperti itu, padahal sebenernya gw ga tau lagunya jadi ga tau persis gimana strumming yang bener. Mainin beberapa lagu lagi, komentar komentar negatif mulai muncul mempertanyakan skill main gitar gw. Gw pun menjawab, maklum gw kurang gaul sama lagu lagu baru.

 Sampai akhirnya bagudung request sebuah lagu. Sebuah lagu lama era 90an. Seolah menantang pernyataan gw sebelumnya. Sebuah lagu yang sampai saat ini selalu gw ingat. Lagu yang bener bener baru buat gw. Lagu dengan nuansa minor yang kental, sentimentil sekali. Lagu yang tiap kali gw dengerin, gw selalu ingat waktu itu, ingat bagudung. Lagu yang entah kenapa judul dan liriknya pas banget sama gw, seolah pertanda dari Tuhan bahwasanya lagu ini bakal menjadi soundtrack kehidupan gw, tentang kehidupan cinta gw.

Well, gw berharap bisa mengimpresi bagudung waktu itu. Tapi ternyata gagal. Even special request nya pun demikian. Gw jawab waktu itu
"lagu apa itu, siapa yang nynyi, blum pernah denger gw"
. Gw liat lirik dan chord nya. Bingung. Bingung gw mau gimana, mau nge strumming gimana. Under pressure harus bisa mengimpresi semakin bikin gw down. down. Untungnya waktu itu gw masih belum bisa berekspresi, muka gw datar aja. Datar sedatar datarnya. Sampai akhirnya terucap
"coba nyanyiin lah, aku ga ngerti gimana"
. Bagudung mulai melantunkan kata demi kata, masih satu bait.

"so... you ... sailed... away..."
 "into ... a... grey... sky... morning..."


Well, itu pertama kalinya gw liat dan denger bagudng nyanyi tanpa masuk mixer maupun mic. Liat secara deket untuk pertama kalinya. Ntah karena gw terlalu fokus ngeliatin atau memang gw kurang jelas dengerin yang ada gw tetep ga ngerti nada lagunya gimana. Bego.

Makin terpojok gw, even udah dengerin dia nyanyi pun masih belum ngerti, akhirnya gw putusin donlot mp3 nya aja biar jelas. Tanpa perlu under pressure, ga gw memang cekatan, tapi kadang ceroboh. Apalagi under pressure coba. Selesai gw donlot file nya. Gw coba puter. Kaget semua.

Mulai kedengaranlah nada nada aneh, sama sekali ga mirip sama lagu yang barusan dilantunkan. Gw liat nama artis nya. DRAKE. Oh god, ceroboh banget gw. Ketawa lah semua anak anak disitu. Karena temen temen gw rada segan sama gw, dan memang waktu itu gw ga keliatan punya rasa sama bagudung, ga muncul lah candaan nerves buat gw. Beberapa temen gw udah pernah liat gw perform sebelumnya, dan memang gw ga terlalu nerves, mau didepan cewek, ibu ibu, ataupun bos sekalipun.

Gw download ulang lagunya. Kali ini udah bener.

"but its not so bad..."
"You're only the best i ever had"


Makasih buat lagunya ya bagudung, lagunya bener bener ngena buat gw sampai sekarang. Gw coba strumming(genjreng) sebisa gw, gw strumming sambil liatin wajahnya, dia nyanyi. Well chordnya ga terlalu sulit. Deket banget posisi gw sama dia waktu itu. Pertama kalinya.



 Nyanyi nyanyi lah kami sampai sore. Sambil rebahan di pinggir spring bed gw, ciri khas gw kalo kata salah satu temen gw, tiduran dipinngir spring bed. di lantai. Bagudung pun ambil posisi di samping gw, temen temen gw di sebelahnya dan beberapa diatas kasur. Mungkin gw yang berlebihan, tapi gw koki ngerasa dia sengaja nempatin diri dideket gw.

Waktu itu mati lampu, dan kalo udah mati lampu itu bisa seharian. Jadi kami bener bener seharian di kamar ku. Gw bagudung dan temen temen gw. Beberapa orang datang di sore hari, bingung mau ngapain di tempat yang kurang tempat hiburan ditambah mati lampu. Ketawa ketiwi, ngobrol ga jelas, nyanyi sambil rebahan dideketnya. Bahagia sekali kami waktu itu, terutama gw. Dan, sepanjang sore sampai malam itu terus terusan terngiang ngiang di telinga gw

"You're Just The Best I Ever Had"
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 Makasih buat lagunya. maaf ya, I just want you to be happy :)


 SLO 2016.3.2 3.37 PM sore cerah, laper... masih puasa 3 hari...